Beaver Beaver Beaver

Get your mind out of the gutter! The beaver is the iconic animal representative of this fine country sir or madame (only read the one that applies to you).

I was recently visiting a very pretty lady in the beautiful region of Grande Prairie, Alberta. I met this pretty lady in Banff and she moved up there making it much more difficult to visit regularly. I made the trek up on Family Day long Weekend. For those of you not from Alberta, Ontario or Saskatchewan we get a long weekend in February to spend with our families. We are special like that, although I cannot remember the last time I actually spent it with family. We are close can you tell? Anyways, my journey to GP began with my very first Greyhound bus trip!You know it was not as bad as I thought. I do laugh at the fact the only time my carry on was checked was when I was on the express bus. All the other ones I could have had anything!! Good thing I am such an angel :).

I arrived in GP just in time to join in a ladies night and have a drink. A good way to celebrate getting off a bus that I had been on for 12 hours. As you can imagine, I was just exuding sexiness. The next day, pretty lady and I embarked on a tourism mission of fun proportions. I asked her what there is to see in her new home town and I nearly jumped out of my pants when she replied "well there is the giant beaver". YEEEEESSSS!!!! YEEEESSS!! But first breakfast.

Best bacon of my life. Best. Bacon. Ever. It was thick cut delicious maple flavoured bacon heaven. I also met more of pretty lady's friends. She has an excellent group of friends up there. Along with delicious bacon, we started the beaver jokes. Now you can put your head in the gutter. I cannot even express how many beaver jokes there are. It was a good time. Beaver Beaver Beaver Beaver Beaver. Lot's of jokes.

 We went to a couple of lovely local museums first. not many jokes but some amazing artifacts!! A coat rack made entirely of hooves, a blow fish in full blow-mode, and a dinosaur that moves its head (that is literally all, it moves its head). Now off to Beaver Lodge, Alberta, home of the world's largest beaver!!! I sadly do not have a photo of it, but as you roll into Beaver Lodge there is a sign that says "Giant Beaver Attraction". Insert giant beaver joke here.

We have arrived. My adult dream of seeing the world's largest beaver has come to fruition. Yes it was on my bucket list. Check! Take novelty picture in front of giant beaver pointing at my beaver, check! I never ever ever claimed to be a classy lady. I roll cheesy tourist style! That is why I work in tourism.

A couple of weeks later, I was hanging out with my bestie. We went skating at the Olympic Oval, which was also on my bucket list of things to do in Calgary. She tried to teach me to stop because she did not appreciate my spaghetti arms approach to almost falling down. Well I did stop pretty good...then fell flat on my bum from a complete stop. I am that good.

I know you are waiting for it and here it comes. We stopped at second cup and continued to her pad for a hang out and trashy Friday night TV.

Shellie Moment: While hanging out, I described my beaver adventures to her in great detail. I finished off with "now that I have the world's largest beaver under my belt.." That is when you stop because what I said was very true but not in the way. What do you say after that? I mean really? AWESOME!

Fluffy Does Not Equal Safe

I can see the befuddled look on your face now. What does she mean fluffy does not equal safe? Fluffy is nothing but safe you say, lies!

This one goes back to when I made the salad bowl for my healthy eating. I had also started the trusty P90X workout system. To update you, this has gone by the wayside and as much as I may want to get back, cookie dough is just better than salad. It just is. FACT! My very first day of P90X I got prepared in my yoga pants, very supportive sports bra and big ass baggy t-shirt. I sure do look sexy when I work up a sweat.

As with every story there is small back story. I live in an older 3-story walk up apartment building. It is not exactly sound proof but for the most part fairly quiet. The tenant below me and I had some issues when she first moved in regarding noise levels. She didn't like my noise and I didn't like hers. Needless to say things are fine now with some involvement of our landlord. Amazing how we can all be adults about these things :).

Back to the good stuff. I first realized in the warm up that the tenant below was not going to appreciate my new lifestyle of daily workouts. Especially with jumping jacks. I only did one and stopped out of TOTAL APPRECIATION. Yes I am going to point out as often as possible that I am the better person in this situation.


Shellie Moment: Insulation! That is what I need, that is what will solve this noise issue and allow me to do jumping jack after jumping jack after jumping jack. My solution sounded practical in my head. I had my yoga mat on the floor and was looking for something that would absorb the extra sound. I have a nice fluffy grey blanket my wonderful big sista gave to me a couple years ago. This blanket is amazing! It is warm and fluffy! What a perfect combination to make this problem silence itself. Can you see where I am going with this? I laid the fluffy blanket on the floor and promptly placed my yoga mat on top of it to continue my workout. It is important to also note that my entire apartment is cheap laminate flooring. Now you get it.

No I did not attempt to do a jumping jack on my new, very dangerous workout zone. Instead I folded up my blanket, laid the yoga mat down again, and skipped the jumping jacks. I continue running on the spot instead. Less jiggling as well. All in all I think it works out, who likes jumping jacks anyway? I like stand where you are jacks.

Valentine's Day Was A Gas

WARNING: This story contains some serious TMI moments. You have been warned, but it is too funny not to share with the Internet. You have been warned.

First TMI moment, my dad is a gassy man. Sitting on the couch, walking in Costco, no matter where no matter when dad will fart. Sadly I take after him although I try to be a little more discreet. It doesn't always work but sometimes.

I have recently experienced my first Valentine's Day with a real live boyfriend. We had been dating a couple of weeks and the romantic day approached, he made dinner reservations, I sent him an edible arrangement at work. Side note, I made all the ladies jealous when he got a delivery. That's right, I rock like that.

After a very nice dinner we returned to my place for a quiet hang out. Warning TMI moment. I put on a little black sexy something (important piece to remember), just use your imagination because there is certainly no picture coming.

Shellie Moment: We are innocently sitting on the couch (I assure you it was innocent at this point) cuddled up and watching a bit of TV. Well what a time to act like my father. That is right I farted. Not a big old stinky fart but it was a good solid fart. It had a great noise, slight vibration and luckily no stank. There was no control and no words. I feel like the YouTube chick who tries to do a sexy dance and falls down. I dress nice and sexy and I fart. Thank you dad. I love you to.

I have myself a good man because he did not dump me immediately following said fart. He had however been pressuring me to meet his parents. I kept resisting as I am a  total commitment phobe. One Sunday night a couple weeks after Valentine's Day I get a text: Guess what my mom just called me about? Um...do I even want to know? It is important to note that I did stay at their house while they were out of town to help with dog sitting. That is it. To hang out and meet the pets, not the parents.

Instead of texting this story he chooses to call me, asked me if I was missing anything, I think not. I have all my possessions there is no reason your mother would find anything at their place. Somehow..and we still argue about the how...that sexy black piece ended up at their place in a load of laundry he did. Long story short his mother found my lingerie. AWKWARD! Certainly not meeting parents anytime soon now!

Best Office Prank Ever!

I can be somewhat of a prankster. Sadly, I am not that creative of a prankster. I stick with the very simple moving things, changing peoples desktop photos to scary photos (but only because that individual has no idea how to change it back) you know the simple things in life. What can I say I am a logical being. I make up for my lack of pranking creativity by being very punctual. I arrive at work at 8 a.m. on a daily basis.

Now there is a bit of a back story here. My office recently purchased a new refrigerator and was storing the used one in our cubicle area, referred to as the hub, until the buyer was able to transport it. Our IT guy was also in the process of moving two coworkers into other cubicles.

The one day I am late! The one day! I had an early morning dentist appointment and arrived shortly after 8:30. The major task of the day was stuffing some envelopes. I was on my way to the office and received a couple texts regarding said mail-out and was curious as to what the big deal was. RELAX people the mail-out will happen in a couple hours. I thought nothing of it and continued on my way. I arrive at the office and see nothing out of the ordinary. Such hindsight.

I quickly rush to my desk as I feel bad for being late turn the corner, head down and go to put my bag down. First thing I notice, there is no chair to put my bag on. I look up and see there is also no table in my cubicle that holds my months worth of filing that is not done (and is still not done). Then I see the sign. Yes my cubicle is available for rent. Now I have the WTF look in my eyes. Did I get fired in an unconventional way? Did my cubicle get moved? I walk out of my cubicle and it is now that I notice the entire contents of my cubicle, and yes I mean the ENTIRE contents, are located inside the fridge.

 Welcome to my new working space. I am much closer to the printer, I can conveniently store my lunch nearby and I get built in air conditioning!

Shellie Moment: No real Shellie moment here as all that was happening was complete and utter laughter. I am a smart person but there were no words being said that were even remotely understandable. Best office prank ever!

A Very Canadian Moment

I decided not to be such a cheap ass this wonderfully snowy month of March and splurged for a parking spot at work just for one month. Mostly though, and I am not afraid to admit it, I rented it out of sheer laziness.

Besides the point though, I was stuck in a  small moment of backed up traffic this afternoon. There was a car accident at the first intersection I passed. I hope everyone is OK as the cars were pretty banged up. Traffic swiftly returns to normal dispersion and flow and I make one intersection free and clear. The third intersection I approach is all of  a sudden backed up as well. My first instinct is that this is just one bad day for downtown drivers. I find it odd that only 2 lanes are backing up. Like every other impatient driver around me I move safely into the lane that is moving (after checking my mirrors, shoulder checking, signalling and ensuring it is safe to proceed). I rubberneck like a good driver to see what the disturbance is to discover that it is really two Canadian Geese just hanging out in the road. Walking around, hanging out and just having a gay old time. This makes me feel very Canadian.

Shellie Moment: I realize that there is a distracted driving law in effect in Alberta and respectfully keep my phone in my purse while driving. Although for a moment or two after witnessing these two geese frolic in the street I really wanted to block the third free flowing lane of traffic to take a photo. Is it wrong to block traffic for a photo opportunity? Or is it wrong to even consider that as an option? You decide. As you can see though there is no photographic evidence to this blog.