I Steal Candy From Children

Anyone who knows me knows that children and I do not get along. I wrote about my young niece and I finally being able to bond and share high fives now that she can talk in short sentences, not coherently but it is enough to communicate. If she understood what I did I am certain she would declare friends off. I know I would if I were in her position.

There is a tradition among my parents, godmother, aunt and uncle and others over Family Day Long Weekend. They all meet up in Edmonton for a weekend of gluttonous food and wine consumption. I have been trying to get an invitation to the exclusive event for years and gave up when I was told I had to have children to be invited. That is clearly not happening. Since my parents still have dogs, who are now grumpy, old and refuse to cuddle, I was asked to head out to Cochrane and dog sit for them. As the favourite child of course I agreed to provide this service for them.

What is it about going back to your parents home and conducting a cupboard raid? I am 28 years old and everytime I go back to my parents I go into the hall cupboard where all the snacks are kept. Does not matter if I am hungry or not. My mom has been out of town and my dad is not much of a junk food addict so the pickings were scarce. I went to the local Subway for a sandwich and when I was grabbing a plate I saw the potty training M&M's that are a reward for my niece at Nana and Papa's house when she successfully goes potty by herself. Scrumptious candy coated chocolate morsels in a desert of no deliciousness.

Shellie Moment: Of course I am going to eat some of these M&M's. It is going to happen. Chocolate does not get discovered and then left alone. What kind of person would do such a thing? Not me. I ate my tasty sandwich creation and put my plate away in the dishwasher like a good housesitter and daughter would do.  To ensure the integrity of the potty training M&M's remained in tact I went to the washroom, washed my hands and as a reward for doing it all by myself I retrieved a handful of potty training M&M's.

These are hers

Now she is protecting them

I Have to Remember I am a Lady

This does not happen very often. The actual occurrence of this supernatural event happens but once in a blue harvest moon. That's right folks I wore a dress, in public. For those that only know me through this blog wearing a dress is a big deal in my world. I grew up wearing mostly men's t-shirts and jeans so to be so very feminine is a sight to be seen. I shaved up my pretty pale Canadian legs and I put a dress on. Let me point out two things: 1) it was Valentine's day and it is a red dress and 2) Since I have been working out again and have lost 15 lbs I fit into the dress again! It was indeed something to be celebrated.

The dress that made it all happen

I am aware that I am single and it is almost an unwritten rule that single people must hate Single's Awareness Day. I do not. I love it! I wanted to wear red and since my curves snuggled ever so nicely back into the aforementioned garment that is what I wanted to go out in the world in. When I was getting dressed I realized that I no longer had a pair of stockings to cover up my freshly shaven Canadian gams. This is a predicament...

I decided that the dress looked long enough to cover tattoos on my legs and I would make it through the day without stockings. Granted it is not a short dress, but it is shorter than I would like without stockings. Just a personal comfort level is all. I think the 1950's had it right, all dresses just below the knee. Thank goodness for Chinooks though! It was not stupid cold in Calgary and I made it from the parkade to my office without losing a leg to frost bite. 

Shellie Moment: While in the parkade I found a spot that I could drive through and at the end of the day there would be no backing up just drive out in one motion. At the same time someone was coming from the opposite direction and parked right next to me, drivers door to drivers door. Welcome to the panic zone! I motioned to open my door first and won the race, that was a bad idea. Let's start there. Ok, think...how do I get out of the car like a lady without flashing the poor soul across from me. Stockings where are you now! I grab my bag so I can do this all in one motion, adjust my dress so it is back to an appropriate length and turn my entire body towards the door keeping my knees firmly clenched together. I will not fail. I will not fail. I will not fail. Clenching and turning was successful it was the upward heave motion to lift my body out of my vehicle that dashed the best laid plan. Heave...no. Heave...no. Screw this! I will not describe what happened next, but it was neither classy nor sexy. It was manly, oh so manly but successfully removed myself from my vehicle and made my way to work.

For those wondering what to do in this situation, should you be a hot mess like myself, I suggest this blog I found from 1968 about how to handle cars and stairs like a lady. If you need me I will be in the car practising.

I am not afraid of the dark, but...

I am a grown woman. I have not been afraid of the dark in a long time. I can successfully make it from my bed to my bathroom at 2 a.m. without hitting anything and without the guidance of any light. You might claim that is because I have successfully adapted to my surroundings, however I consistently leave a chair pulled out or move something slightly when looking for something else so the pathway to the bathroom is never identical. Yet I still make it. Every morning, without even opening my eyes I can hit snooze on the bothersome alarm clock 3 times before caving into it's expectation that I will wake and become a productive member of society for the day. I am good in the dark, when I know where I am.

I do not watch scary movies for the sole reason that they will give me nightmares. I am the person that sees scary creepy ghost on the screen and when I close my eyes there is scary creepy ghost in my head. I am not a fan. I like sleep over being scared 100% of the time. When I lived in Lethbridge I was conned in to seeing I am Legend featuring the always sexy Will Smith. You may be saying to yourself, Shellie that was not even scary. YES IT WAS! Things jump out of the dark and go boo. That is scary. I was living in a basement suite and it was past 11 o 'clock at night when I returned home. I have never been so glad that my dad, the smart man that he is, bought us all a flash light for our key chains so I could light up my entryway and ward off any evil zombies lurking. When I got into my apartment I slept with every light on.

Where am I going with this?

Shellie Moment: I was recently at Vertigo Theatre checking out their newest production Gaslight (running until February 24, 2013), which is amazing and you should go see it immediately, when I made a confession to a friend. I am not a big fan of that moment in any type of theatre production when all the lights go down and the entire room is now pitch black. I tense up and hold my breath. It happens every time! Maybe it is the crowd and not knowing my surroundings, but in those few seconds I am afraid of the dark. The worst part of it all is how often it happens during a production. The beginning, twice in the middle for intermission and the very end. What is with this dark form of torture?