I know you have all been asking yourselves why I have not written about a good fart lately. You are wondering if I have been keeping them all bottled up inside. In the dead of night you are kept awake haunted by the lack of fart blogs and hoping that one comes along. It is that magical day my readers.
Yet again, I am in the dating scene. I have been with this gentleman for a few months now, yes I have farted in front of him, not by personal choice rather my anus saw a romantic moment happening and decided to sing me a song of his people. Apparently my anus is a male. Enough with the word anus, oh my word Shellie where are you going. There was a minor tooting incident that was not really a Shellie moment just unfortunate.
Yesterday we had a lazy day planned, a Game of Thrones marathon on the couch during a rainy Calgary day. He slept in pretty late and I was about ready for a nap. I was going to lay down for a bit and told him to just pop over whenever he pleased, I leave the door open when I am expecting him. I could not sleep decided to hop in the shower so I would smell pretty for my gentleman.
You know at the beginning of a budding relationship where you still shave your legs to impress your other half? I still feel the need to shave my legs. So here I am shaving away, making myself all feminine like, instead of the hairy lumberjack I usually appear to be when I am single, and I fart. A nice squeaky fart, a good solid few seconds. It was a prize winning lady like fart. After all I live alone why wouldn't I fart in my shower? I bet you have farted in the shower before. Admit it!
Shellie Moment: I am clean, my legs are smooth, my fart is cleared. Turn off the water, remove excess water from my short locks, slide the shower door open and step out. Out of nowhere I hear "hi there". My heart sinks. I respond immediately with "did you just get here". Oh my lord, did he hear me fart? How long has he been there? Do I ask? Can I ask?
Moral of the story do not ask! Gentleman, if you are reading this never tell me if you heard me fart in the shower on this day and I will never ask you.
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